I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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