In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
