We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
