Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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