the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
