you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
