i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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