that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
