i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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