Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
