my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
