She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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