WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
