there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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