i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
PANTIES FOUND
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
