i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
