1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
