I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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