Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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