there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
