Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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