I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
