Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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