i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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