8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
