let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
