I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
