My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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