Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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