You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
