Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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