with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
