Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
