The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize