I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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