Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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