Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
