She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
