so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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