great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
