I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
