make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
