Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
