That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
