almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
