my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
