The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
