Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
