Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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