Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
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She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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