Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
