So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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