Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?

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(815): View more from Illinois

New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.

(1-612): View more from Minnesota

Are you really alive right now?

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish

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