walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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