i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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